Everyone has a friend that embraces submission in a relationship; some for the bliss of finding that significant other who you’re happy to compromise for and others to their detriment. I have one friend, who quite happily now has freed herself from an abusive relationship for two years now. She was the perfect girlfriend, the yes-girl, ever-loyal, ever-there but at the end of a long relationship was pushed aside ever-after. There would never be a prize for being a doormat.
When thinking of what to write this week, I realized a common thread in many childhood fantasies. Each thread was carefully woven and spun to create a carpet. There was Jasmine and Aladdin’s carpet; magical, elevating and romantic. There were red carpets that only the rich, famous and glamorous trod on and their was a walk down the aisle that would mark the beginning of our happily ever afters.
Fictional love stories had us dream of the carpets we’d walk down but never got to the bit about how when many women have been swept off their feet, they place they land, is beneath their partner.
In an age where equality is rampantly fought for across the globe, why are women still willing to accept the word matriarch to also mean maid?
I have no issue with being in a mutually loving relationship where compromises are made out of love and respect for my partner and vice versa.
However, I take issue with blind submission to every man because not every man is worth that compromise to your independence. Not every man deserves a woman that wholeheartedly commits to him. Unfortunately many women choose the wrong men to submit to and this ruins the idea of love and trust within a relationship for them for life. These women misunderstand compromise to mean passivity in their partnership and forget that in a mutually loving relationship, she would never be trod on.
On closer inspection of Aladdin and the tale of how he and Jasmine fell in love, it’s clear to see that Jas had her Arabian eyes wide-open when she fell in love with Aladdin. Yes, he was a thief (I’m not advising we all rush out to prisons in pursuit of love) but he was a man who knew he would have to become great in order to be worthy of a princesses love.
When he and Jasmine first met in Agrabah's marketplace, the two discovered they had a lot in common. This would not be enough to sustain their relationship however.
Later in the story, when Aladdin gets a hold of the lamp, meets the Genie and is given three wishes, one of Aladdin’s greatest hopes is to become a prince in order to be good enough for Jasmine.
After a tumultuous tale of wealth, love and rivalry comes to play, Aladdin eventually accepts that he cannot maintain the charade as a prince and reveals to Jasmine that he is not Prince Ali, he is in fact, the pauper, Aladdin. Seeing Jasmine's love for Aladdin, the Sultan (Jasmine’s dad) changes the law to allow her to marry whomever she deems worthy, then they board the magic carpet and embark on a journey, to a “whole new world.”
The story still stands as one of my favourite Disney creations of all time and even at twenty-two years of age, there’s still a lesson or two to learn from it.
Just as Jasmine did, succumb to the man who works hard to be better for you. Let your love inspire his better qualities (for Aladdin they were kindness and honesty). Like with the Sultan, your parents approval is usually a good sign of his character and worthiness of you, and finally when love is right, it will elevate you – you’ll ride atop the magic carpet, ensuring, you’re never the doormat.
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