Searching for Fabio

I’ve spent the week searching for Fabio, not the love-god of our imaginations, but Fabio Lanzoni the world-renowned, Mills and Boon, face of I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-butter. He’s the new face of Old Spice and I had the hard-hitting journalistic task of looking at all of his sculpted body-shots for ‘research.’ Tough gig.

In my quest, I came across a quirky webmaster, the founder of his website who had spent her working life, serving Fabio, she even wrote a book on Amazon titled; ‘Adventures in stalking Fabio.’ I laughed at first that even at 69, this woman was still fascinated with Fabio’s fine form, it even inspired her to write erotic romance novels (what menopause?!), then the greater message emerged, everyone’s looking for love or at least, lust, somewhere.

I think I found my great love on Ready Steady Cook this week. Patrizzio Buanne was a guest on the show, proclaiming the three words that every girl wants to hear, “I am single,” he said. Thank God! He can cook, sing and sweet talk and with looks like that, even mum would be impressed. He doesn’t know it yet, but we’re getting married. Patrizio if you’re reading this, I’m single too. We should really give this a go.

It seems good looks and gourmet chefs were the new formula for romance this week. Perhaps the way to a woman’s heart was through her stomach also, or maybe it was just in giving her a seat at the dining table rather than having her stand around and slave away in a kitchen. We loved to be fussed over.

Take for instance, the new dating show on channel 7, ‘Dinner Date.’ On what is a regular date night for many, those desperate, dateless or just desperate for drama, tuned in on Tuesday night to watch Simone Cunico’s quest for love as three eligible bachelors vied for her heart, through conversation and their culinary skills. She perused a selection of menus and agreed to date these men based on the food they had promised to prepare for her, no photos of the men were provided. She went with an open mind and open heart that naturally let the tall, dark, handsome fella in (even if he was a bit arrogant, he was macho and that was an alluring additional dessert to the menu).  She was happily being romanced and is still dating Mark; the man she chose to take on a second date on the new romantic dating series. It was lights, camera, and plenty of action for this attractive duo.

Most viewers criticised Mark on Twitter for his egotism (I’m stupidly a sucker for it). Some tweeps said that this proved that women always go for the jerks, but all boys have their moments so it was worth looking at his other finer traits.  His redeeming qualities were those that feature in most women’s checklists:

1. A winning smile
2. Kind eyes
3. He was family oriented
4. Great physique
5. Passion

Described like that, he sounds a bit like Fabio and that’s my point – we’re all looking to be rescued by the alpha-male. We’ve lost our voices protesting for women’s rights (somewhere between the office and motherhood), our feet are sore from the power-heels that elevate our self-esteem but rarely our pay and at the end of the day, we just want a gentleman to sit us down, treat us like a princess and who is built to save us from the day we’ve had.

Lucky for me, I found Patrizio. At last! I can call off the search.  Good luck in yours…. I have no idea where you’ll find him.

She was a question to be answered, and his answer was "I do"

“I’m the son of a queen and mum, today, your prince has found his princess,” these were the heart-warming words of my good friend’s husband in his wedding speech over the weekend. In one of the most moving ceremonies and celebrations I have ever experienced, I was overcome by love and what it means to find the one, not just anyone, but the person who values you so much that he is willing to leave the comfort of his family home and the fun and familiarity among his friends, for a chance to ride the roller coaster of love with his wife.

In a lavish wedding, topped with fireworks at the end of the night, a friend so simple and so pure in her love was told by her husband, “you are so simple and that’s why your family, my family and I wanted to give you the world on this day.” He didn’t mean simple in an offensive way, just that she lives wanting nothing, loves wholeheartedly, acts with honesty and cloaks herself with noble characteristics daily. This is why he fell in love with her. It’s why we all did. 

This was a lesson in getting back to basics. Love in this relationship was honest, forgiving, caring, kind, nurturing and selfless; all the necessary ingredients to a happy marriage. 

The Coptic Orthodox ceremony overflowed with symbolism that I often neglect to pay attention to..this time I did. The couple met at the church door to walk each other down the aisle. This would be their first walk towards a life together. The promises began at the door. 

Arm in arm, the bride stood on the right hand of the groom for from that day forward, she would be his right hand. She would be his strength. The one to lift him up. He would always seek her in that partnership. They would look out for each other, witnesses to each other’s life. The one person in the world who would know and seek every detail of the other’s life and love them regardless. 

People spend too much time focusing on independence, forgetting that love is about doing things together .  While a walk down the aisle required two separate people, the bond of marriage made them one. The only way this was possible was in both of them substituting a selfish love with a selfless one that instead prioritized, the other person's happiness; each bowing down to the needs of the other. 

They were adorned in a King and Queen’s cape, for they were now the masters of their home and they were dressed in crowns to symbolize that elevated status. As each signed off on their promise to love and honour each other for an eternity, they ended the ceremony, bowing before the altar sharing that promise not just with each other but with God. This was the acceptance of their duties to each other, the welcoming of their roles, the submission to each other and the acknowledgment of the blessing they had experienced, in finding one another and being bound to one another for life. 

The vows were Divine, not self written, but instructions to honour and serve, to treat each as royalty, to do their  utmost to love each other, ‘never frowning in the other’s face, and though many of us always laugh at that line, this is one of my favourites.  If we never frown, we never fight and with that peace, there’s no reason that love wouldn’t last. 

I watched the elation in the groom’s face, the worship he had for my friend, the support of their friends and families and the unity that their love created and then I understood, love was a combination of all of these things and it’s an experience I simply cannot wait for.

Feminist

I was reading over my year 12 major work this week.  It is about the evolution of the female role (or lack of it) from the late 19^th century to the 21^st century.  It began with a man’s voice because a woman’s world back then only existed as far as a man had allowed it to. My story ended with a man’s voice too. ..only for much of it, he was saying “yes,  dear.” The point I made through the different women living at 49 Alter Avenue (notice the pun) was that a woman’s role in the world had not evolved that much at all. We were in charge of the housework, we were the one’s responsible for raising our children and when we were finally allowed to vote and work, we got the right to work more; adding to our roles but not necessarily to our freedoms. 

I continued to read through my major work and found the Feminist Manifesto that inspired much of my work. 

The passage read: 

“Because women’s work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we’re the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it’s our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we’re nagging (something that rhymes with witches) and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos and if we don’t we’re frigid and if we love our friends it’s because we can’t get a “real” man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic and pushy and if we expect childcare we’re selfish and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and “unfeminine” and if we don’t we’re typical weak females and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man and if we don’t we’re unnatural and because we still can’t get an adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion and…for lots of other reasons I am a feminist.”

Provocative stuff! 

This double standard reminded me of the social constructs that women create, abide by and then abhor. We’re our own worst enemies lovers of freedom but choosing entrapment, seeking independence but searching for completion in our significant others, seeking more work then constantly complaining that we’re too tired to do it. A lot of women of my generation are uncomfortable with being called a feminist.  While the bra-burning, arm-pit-hair growing, man-repelling connotations are easy to detach yourself from our fantasies exist because women fought for more than just the right to vote and your paycheck.

Paychecks are the reason that sipping Pina-Coladas on the Greek Islands, while shirtless Greek Gods wait on you, are made possible. 

We are freer than we realize, more liberated than we’ve ever been and our ambitions are supported not stunted by the men that surround us. While there’s plenty more to do, and it’s true, ‘ a woman’s work is never done,’ I’m excited that in an age where we have everything, that their could still be more. 

Sure we work plenty and get paid too little for it – but men have that complaint too. We’re no longer the first to get fired and yes, what we look like is important but nobody places more importance on it than ourselves. 

I’ll be first to put my hand up and confess to being a marketers dream. I’ll believe and buy anything that promises to bring me closer to looking like Cindy Crawford (now or in her heyday). 

While rape and abuse do exist we have people fighting against it and women can become advocates for that change (Unifem, Australian Women's Health Network, Country Women's Association of Australia, Immigrant Women's Speakout Association, National Women's Justice Coalition, Women's Rights Action Network Australia, among so many others).

 

 I’m a journalist so being a nagging (something that rhymes with witch) is commended and encouraged; relabeled tenacious and persistent and we’re allowed to be nymphos (think Samantha in Sex and The City)….we’re also allowed to be frigid and to some that’s still revered (everyone loves a lady…in the street). Sure if we love our friends, we can be labeled lesbians (think Oprah and Gayle King) but when you’re Oprah Winfrey, who cares what people call you? Be “unfeminine,” be aggressive, be weak, be single, be whatever you like, but above all, be a feminist, because it gives you the choice to be any of those options and more.