Weiner and Woods get women wondering about love.

This week, Congressman Anthony Weiner’s private life was exposed because his private parts were exposed to women other than his wife. The Weiner’s and the Wood’s (Tiger that is) have something in common, where balls are involved, games will be played and the first ladies are put second to the lustful sport of adultery where little men in powerful positions gamble love for garbage.

It’s no wonder women are constantly losing faith in the male species. I almost did this week until scrolling through my twitter feed. A subscriber of all things loving and romantic, one person I followed tweeted ‘don’t say there are no good men left, say I go to all the same places expecting for the scenery to change and to meet new people,” (I’ve paraphrased but that was more or less the point…and WHAT A POINT IT WAS).  Here I was wondering where Mr.Right was when I was hanging out on Dormant Drive – there would be no volcanic, earth shattering romance here – I had little option but to keep walking, keep searching…anywhere but here.

Then a funny thing happened….Mr.Right-Now came knocking at my door. Now I can say with certainty that he is not right for me, but he is present in my life, this minute. He came…also on Twitter (and yes, it is fall of twats) with another perspective on what it would take for me to give him my heart. He said, ‘an intelligent man opens your mind, a handsome man opens your eyes and a gentleman opens your heart.” How nice I thought. I want a combination of all three.

While he claimed gentility, his words when not attempting to court me suggested otherwise and as I questionned his inability to maintain the myth he'd portrayed, alas, an answer came through Lara Bingle. Also trending on Twitter, she said, ‘women fall in love with what they hear and men fall in love with what they see…that’s why men lie and women wear make-up.” Who knew Bingle could speak with such profundity? Experience educated her – her beauty reeled Cricket Captain Michael Clarke in to love but her scandalous photos and foul play made what was visible less desirable and so Clarke’s sweet-nothings ceased to be whispered, making Bingle single.  

Some couples are able to weather any storm though with Weiner’s wife pregnant in her first trimester, she has (as far as we’ve read) promised to stand by her man, seeking guidance from none other than Hilary Clinton on how to wipe the slate clean. I guess the lesson from Hilary for women is, when your man doesn’t know how to conduct himself in public, keep him private… and then wear his pants.

Edmund Burke (not on Twitter) said “the greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.” These men, clearly unable to prove worthy of their power and abusing it when they have it, need women like Clinton and Beyonce to ‘run the world’ to keep them from misbehaving. Clinton wears the pants and Beyonce doesn’t wear any – perhaps finding a happy medium between the two is the secret to good governance of MANkind.

Honesty (a lonely word)

Arnold Schwarzenegger said the two best things in life are “pumping and humping” and those two things  ultimately led to Maria Shriver dumping the womanizer after he admitted to having fathered a lust-child ten years ago to one of the women that cleaned their house (and there are rumours his humping was not limited to the hired help). 

Shriver, an award winning journalist, part of the Kennedy lineage and mother of his four children, sacrificed her career to spend her life as Arnie’s trophy wife, but at the end of their 25 year marriage, their were no medals for her sacrifice. 

We are yet to see this story unfold and cannot foretell if it will evolve into a Tiger Wood’s type scandal ….it’s the wood that seems to keep getting these men into trouble. What this repeatedly reveals is the dispensation of a core quality in relationships; honesty. 

If Arnold had been honest about wanting more loving, I’m pretty sure he’s devoted wife would have given it. If he was honest at the time he cheated, he may have been deterred from repeating the cheating, if he had been honest, his marriage may still be in tact.

This comes as more friends than usual, are dealing with issues of honesty in their relationships. One friend is seeing someone who after months of dating refuses to give their ‘seeing-each-other” a definition. 

We are women, therefore we think. 

It is never sufficient for us to have men see us through relationships, have us form attachments and then have them decide one morning that they have used our goods to their satiety, later venturing on to the next bright, young, shiny thing. Men claim that if women were more honest, there would be fewer problems; I agree.

However, if women were always honest, a lot of men would be very quickly scared away at the idea of us wanting commitment, while they want play. If honesty was always at play, men would be restricted in their freedoms and their friendships. They would be subjected to a lot more control than they are willing to accept, and most women would happily harp on about their problems with the men they are seeing that the relationship would be over before it existed. It’s a painful truth, that men too have to be ready to accept.

As my friend sought my advice on what she should do, she asked, should she seek out a definition from the boy she is seeing or should she let it come from him? I am always very conflicted when it comes to what women should do in a relationship. My traditional self tells me to allow the man to do the courting, while my 21^st century self screams ‘female liberation’ and the freedom to find your own fortune. In this situation I figure, if you have been dating for five months, you are exclusive and he is yet to call you his girlfriend, this boy is probably playing you or tongue-tied. Either way, he needs a little less action and a lot more talking, as dreaded as it may be. It’s difficult to call this boy, everyman but it does beg the question, why are some men ready to settle earlier than others? In comes that word again.  Honesty!

If both had articulated their agendas at the start of the relationship, neither would be in this conundrum. Unable to turn back the hands of time, honesty here will either offer security in the relationship they have or shut my friend out of the love shack. Both,to me, are good outcomes because at least then there is no more guess work. 

This has been the stuff of countless breakups. When sweet-talk does not suffice. Honesty steps in; calling for accountability, their is no dancing around answers,  love is the hoped outcome but  an honest answer, has sometimes painfully (but for the better) proved not to be. When it isn't, the relationship isn't either, but the truth, sets both free.

One of my favourite songs, originally by Billy Joel but beautifully covered by Beyonce, is called “Honesty.” The lyrics sing of love, of flattery and of little white lies being easy to find but the song shares a poignant truth; that honesty is often accompanied by loneliness because of its evaporation from society, and people’s inability to digest harsh truths.

Honesty it says, is hardly ever heard, but is what the world needs most. Agreed. 

For the end of questions, for the start of clarity, for deeper understanding of the people that surround you, the simplest answer exists in honesty. Honestly.

This is not about men; it's about YOU!!!

I was at work on Friday and for those aware of my delightful shiftwork, you’d know I start at 2.30 in the morning and so we do whatever it takes to keep ourselves awake at this ungodly hour. This morning I was working with one of my more contemplative and spiritually in touch colleagues.

We read our horoscopes and although neither of us religiously prescribes to psychics forecasts of our future, yesterday’s prediction was worth paying attention to for the self-evaluation it offered and the discussion that ensued.

After a week of typically overworking and exhausting myself, my horoscope said that yesterday in particular an old flame would be reignited, this time the sparks would illuminate a new passion, new lessons and I’d emerge more luminescent and less burns victim.

Love, this week was not about falling prey to old predators, it was not about being a carnivorous man-eater either, it was about welcoming me back into my life. This is not a self-righteous, holier-than-thou lesson but just a lesson in caring for myself so that I still had something to give back.

The fact is in life, women have a tendency to over-commit themselves whether it be socially, at work, in family or trying to strike a balance between all three. While personal training this week, my punches were weak, forceless, without strength (not me at all) and my trainer commented that I had run out of fuel. In truth, my lights were out, I’d run out of fuel, my battery was dead and I think I was even a little short on water – it’s no wonder we couldn’t get the engine running.

What I realised was that in trying to be  superhuman, I was so busy saving everyone and faking invincibility that when it came to saving myself, I’d lost all power to do so. There was one question inspired by a song I was listening to that echoed perpetually in my mind; who’s there to save the hero?

The lyrics to Beyonce’s “Save the Hero” sing:

I'm left with no shoulder
But everyone wants to lean on me.
I guess I'm their soldier.
Well, who's gonna be mine?

Who's there to save the hero
When she's left all alone
And she's crying out for help.
Who's there to save the hero
Who's there to save the girl…
After she saves the world?

(listen here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb0tycNJc-I ). Beyonce has a point!

This is in no way me advocating for women around the world to end the sisterhood and stop supporting each other but rather a call for women who are so consumed in being the hero to take a step back and remember to care for themselves. I’ve said it before and will say it again; you are your best asset, so you’re worth investing that extra time and effort in caring for before bitterness becomes you after being dangerously negligent of yourself. I know I’m channeling Dr. Phil or your grandmother, but this is important!

In Cherie Cater-Scott’s #1 New York Times bestseller If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules, Scott gave the world ten rules for climbing the ladder, standing taller and overcoming life’s challenges. The rules are as old as love itself and the first one for true long-lasting, core-shaking love is to begin by loving yourself first. 

After twenty-five years of conducting workshops and seminars, Chérie discovered that the most important and therefore probably the most difficult to understand and attain is the acquisition of love and then finding contentment with that partnership.

You’ve heard it reiterated a million times “love is the thing” and everyone is looking for it or looking for ways to sustain it. The onus falls on you in this game to make your first move towards love by loving yourself.

Central to the way people respond to you and to your capacity to love is the relationship you have with yourself. The highest common factor in all of your life experiences; family, friends, love, relationships, work, is YOU!! That is why chapter one of her book is centred on nurturing that relationship.

That loving relationship you form with yourself inspires confidence to be yourself, security in your judgements and lack of compromise to things lesser than you deserve.

Whether you are an Aquarius or not, I’ll make my own prediction for your future; if you invest in you, you will have the energy to give love to others and will have it duly returned to you. Health is wealth so love yourself and experience new prosperity.