Have We Flirted Enough Yet?

I've written before about being trapped in the friendship box seats, looking on to the love game between your dream beau and somebody else (who is not you). It takes trial and a whole lot of error to work out how to keep yourself out of the sidelines and on the playing field when it comes to a meeting of minds and hearts on the field of (dating) dreams.

This problem is one that we're all faced with at some point in our lives and having been placed on team friend one too many times (involuntarily), we women often wonder - how much flirting it will take for our hearts to beat to the same drum?

What is it about a woman that stirs a guy to see her as girlfriend material and how long before that thought materializes into you asking her out?

If you are flirty by nature with all of your friends, you'll either wind up friendless fast or future girlfriends will envy the friendships you have and your friendships or relationship will cease to exist! Rule #1 Be selective or your words will soon mean nothing.

My issue with that is how are you supposed to tell the difference between flirtation and friendship if there's a one size fits all approach? This was the cry of a friend who is trying to read a friend of hers.

He went as far as saying he wanted to kiss her but when confronted with the possibility of a relationship he cowered away from commitment. Kick him to the kerb I say. Rule #2  Ask for all or accept nothing. You can’t flirt and not be prepared to follow through. Somebody always gets hurt.

I have one mate who said if he was interested in a girl he asked her out. Period! No excuses, no confusion … (maybe for him) - but there's always confusion somewhere! He was a serial flirt. He never hesitated to tell a girl when she looked good, he didn't mind a contemplative chat on her good qualities, He didn't mind dissing her exes, lunch or dinner dates were on him and he paid close attention to everything she said. He was a dream and the idea of him was nirvana - he never asked her out. They were never more than friends. She would always wonder why.

I'm generally a flirty person too. So I understand the adrenalin rush you can get from a flirtatious chat but I believe it's the frequency of it with the same person that can cause the confusion.

We live in an age where everyone is wearing the pants so with women sending just as many mixed signals as our male counterparts, it's no wonder the world is sleeping around unattached - everyone's just as puzzled as each other on what the opposite sex wants, but most (aside from my small community) agree on the physical.

What women want long-term are answers! We want clarity! We want you to cut to the chase and we want you to take chances! If you're interested make a move rather than be perfect, omnipresent and unattainable to us.

The fact is most girls will find it difficult to sustain a boy to girl friendship with a guy if they are attracted to him so by all means pursue friendship with the opposite sex but don't blur the lines unless you want your girl friend to become your girlfriend. Girls are to friendship as boys are to relationship.  If this was clear there'd be nothing to decipher.

If the water appears murky, it's best not to swim in it but of course then I'd have no blogging material and we'd all have less to chat about. Have we flirted enough yet? Absolutely not – but gosh I’d love some answers.

The problem according to Steve Harvey (author of novel and soon to be released film, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man) is that when it comes to relationships women can’t figure men out because they don’t understand the way guys think about love and sex. The easiest way to learn is to step away from your female cliques and head to the men for the dispensation of matter-of-fact advice.

Men enlighten us? When do you flirt for flirting’s sake and when is your flirtation in pursuit of a relationship?

This week I simply do not have the answers…. Sorry girls there are always firsts

Till the blokes who read this decide to share the inner workings of their minds, ladies keep swimming and men keep fishing but flirt with limits, choose your fish, bait her, catch her, keep her. Women in the meantime add Steve Harvey’s book to your reading list and please TELL ME EVERYTHING!