My parents are beginning to worry that at 22, I’ve almost reached expiration. It’s not their fault, it’s their culture. They wish me to be surrounded by love and to rest securely in the knowledge that I will forever be taken care of. That reaction is out of love too – so I appreciate their concern. In the meantime, I’ll lovingly decline.
It’s no secret that my dad and I are close so it was not unusual when he sat me down the other day for a hearty father/daughter chat. It’s the contents of the chat that got me fired up. While most fathers are happy to have their daughter live under house-arrest for all eternity, mine was planning my engagement party.
“Why can’t you just find yourself a nice boy to settle down with already?” with the utmost concern for my future and expiration. “I’m 22 dad; I have years ahead of me.”
“You won’t always be young you know. You won’t always have options,” he forewarned.
My head refused to retain any more of that conversation, until Mum joined the relationship police and made it her business to make being single the penalty.
I was being prosecuted for being independent. The jury were my aunts and uncles who every year since I was 18 have hoped that this will be the year I introduce a new love to the family (with 20 something first cousins, I think my family is big enough as it is at the moment). However, as they delivered their verdict, I plead guilty to independence but not guilty to my single status. I blame this momentary weakness to the holidays. Their is something about them that reminds people of their loneliness. You can be ok for 363 days of the year but come Christmas and Easter, when you are surrounded by families, by couples and by little kids that you hope to someday have that your single status dawns on you.
When I announced over (Orthodox) Christmas the other day that we might be hanging out with a new crowd of young men that night, the elation on my parents faces was something Kodak would want to capture. Christmas had come again, but I became the Grinch when those plans were cancelled.
I’d love to accept being single as something that was my fault or as something within my control because then I could do something about it, but it’s not and I’m not entirely sure it’s something I want at this point in my life…..until my next crush at least.
The situation with these boys was a case of readiness also. All parties entered knowing that this was less of a hangout and more of a group date and their was a giant retreating leap away from the scene when emotions were realized. The boys, like us girls, were presumably petrified at making a mistake and ruining a friendship and so they stepped away from responsibility and back into freedom. I don’t like that sort of cowardice but I do understand it because relationships both appeal to me and scare me too.
I’m a big believer in completion of self before being paired up with someone forever (potentially). I do believe that that’s how they saw it too and perhaps for the moment I don’t think they felt as ready as they initially thought they were. They deserve credit for realizing that, before stuffing up a perfect opportunity for love. Negligence of this fact is what I believe sees relationships crumble. You don’t rush into something you’re unsure of and you certainly don’t look for love for completion of yourself. You won’t find it. You’ll grow discontent with the situation, with yourself and with your partner and casting that much pressure for perfection on one person will only fail you. A miserable truth.
Apologies to my parents – but they married older and for love so I know they’ll get this. In their case, heartache shaped them. Patience rewarded them. They didn’t think their way into the people they were, their experiences shaped them and when they were emotionally ready, they became instantly more attractive to each other because they knew what they wanted. They had reached emotional maturity.
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