We're all beauty kings and queens in search of world peace until you meet your love's best friend who happens to be the other gender. World peace vanishes and you become destructive, you become much more interested in world domination and that means kicking your lovers BFF off your island.
If this is survivor, they are the outcast and you do all you can to kick this waste of space out of the race. Normally you wouldn't be so unkind to someone. You may even be friends in other instances but when she's taking more of your boyfriend’s time than you are, the girl has got to
go!!!
I'd love to say that we're all really liberal and ready to let love in in every circumstance but most girls wouldn't and I admit I'd struggle with the idea of another girl taking up my man's time up. The reason for this is that you never want to be on the outskirts of their in jokes and I'm unsure of what he'd have to share with her privately that he couldn't just share with me. The situation works only if the female friend is taken and unattractive and poses no threat to your partnership.
Interestingly, many men I know feel the same about us women clinging to friendships with men who aren't them when they are your partners. The explanation given to me was that they only befriend women if they think they have a chance of being with them and if they don't desire that, they were at least initially attracted to that person. Attraction must thus have vanished or never existed to begin with.
Knowing that their brains are hard wired for sex and not much else makes men nervous about you letting other men in your life. Knowing that women rarely stick around in a female/male friendship without the thought of a future with this man crossing their mind at least once makes women nervous about these type of liaisons too. We’re no strangers to the pre relationship clause that details an agreement between you and your bestie that reads 'let's marry each other if we reach thirty and are still single." With the throw away comment safely inserted into their unspoken contract, it’s no wonder, the friendship meddles with our sanity.
If this is survivor, they are the outcast and you do all you can to kick this waste of space out of the race. Normally you wouldn't be so unkind to someone. You may even be friends in other instances but when she's taking more of your boyfriend’s time than you are, the girl has got to
go!!!
I'd love to say that we're all really liberal and ready to let love in in every circumstance but most girls wouldn't and I admit I'd struggle with the idea of another girl taking up my man's time up. The reason for this is that you never want to be on the outskirts of their in jokes and I'm unsure of what he'd have to share with her privately that he couldn't just share with me. The situation works only if the female friend is taken and unattractive and poses no threat to your partnership.
Interestingly, many men I know feel the same about us women clinging to friendships with men who aren't them when they are your partners. The explanation given to me was that they only befriend women if they think they have a chance of being with them and if they don't desire that, they were at least initially attracted to that person. Attraction must thus have vanished or never existed to begin with.
Knowing that their brains are hard wired for sex and not much else makes men nervous about you letting other men in your life. Knowing that women rarely stick around in a female/male friendship without the thought of a future with this man crossing their mind at least once makes women nervous about these type of liaisons too. We’re no strangers to the pre relationship clause that details an agreement between you and your bestie that reads 'let's marry each other if we reach thirty and are still single." With the throw away comment safely inserted into their unspoken contract, it’s no wonder, the friendship meddles with our sanity.
Of course this is not a blanket rule for all friendships or relationships. I know many women and men with great neutral relationships, but partners on both sides enter the relationship with caution and tread carefully until the situation is sussed out.
The friend can't stand it. The girlfriend can't stand it. The man is left standing in the middle.
The competition starts early. This female friend will notice the diversion of his attention from her to you. She'll be everywhere he is and know everything about you. She'll profess her love to him regularly before you get a chance to do so and she'll manipulate the situation to always emerge a little closer, a little more knowledgeable and a little bit better for him than you.
She'll arrange to meet him, she'll offer him her help wherever she can, she'll happily lend an ear for complaints about you and her profile photos will always feature a special guest; YOUR boyfriend!
I get it. She's insecure, she's losing someone she cares about it and their are difficult changes that everyone has to adapt to. Fair enough as long as no sabotage is involved and she stops being territorial. When that line is drawn in the sand, you better hope she stays on her side of the sand.
The competition starts early. This female friend will notice the diversion of his attention from her to you. She'll be everywhere he is and know everything about you. She'll profess her love to him regularly before you get a chance to do so and she'll manipulate the situation to always emerge a little closer, a little more knowledgeable and a little bit better for him than you.
She'll arrange to meet him, she'll offer him her help wherever she can, she'll happily lend an ear for complaints about you and her profile photos will always feature a special guest; YOUR boyfriend!
I get it. She's insecure, she's losing someone she cares about it and their are difficult changes that everyone has to adapt to. Fair enough as long as no sabotage is involved and she stops being territorial. When that line is drawn in the sand, you better hope she stays on her side of the sand.
I hate the sound of how hateful/hurtful this situation can be so I tried to think of instances where this could work and this is what I came up with:
1) if he/she is in a relationship
2) if he/she is happy to have you there and treats you kindly in his/her absence
3) if he/she is devoid of emotion and therefore is incapable of experiencing jealousy
4) if he/she is ugly/nonthreatening and your partner agrees with your assessment of their looks (harsh but true)!
When beautiful women fight for one man’s attention, ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ comes to mind – this scene in particular.
The problem here is that someone will always get hurt, even if it’s just your imagination going into overdrive. This will happen because life would have taught you often that three (in a relationship) is a crowd and there’s a big chance that that friend if not tapping into the physical, will emotionally occupy your partner’s heart.
For men, it’s a silly idea from the start….trying to date two women will cost a man three times as much….and possibly your relationship in the end. A man cannot serve two masters and a woman would be exhausted with this too.
This is a sad truth for most but being an eternal optimist I hope to find the better in the other woman (as long as she’s not his mistress).
For every woman or man struggling to accept your partner’s BFF in your life, practice love – as difficult as it can be, no one can ever hate someone who loves them. They may be annoyed by them. They may dislike them but they’ll never hate them.
If your man has befriended a girl before knowing you (or during), she’s probably got some admirable qualities (after all, he does have exceptional taste don’t you think ;)). You could try befriending her, you could try to see the good and if it’s still a futile effort, alert your man. He may agree and things will work for the better.
If you still struggle to meet at a compromise and your insecurities are still stirred by her presence, then step-away from the threesome because somewhere, someone out there is happy to prioritise you and in such a case, his female friend won’t get in the way. If she does, the hope is that she’s Julia and your Cameron in the clip above and the walk down the aisle comes with the realization that her friend is YOUR man.
Saint Basil said, “a tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” With this in mind, love in your heart and kindness in your deeds, you will have successfully turned a fiend into a friend.
At this point, beauty kings and queens can be re-crowned, cat-fights are avoided and the ugliness of insecurity is safely contained. When every man and woman knows their place on the island, peace can be hoped for once more and no one needs to be voted out.
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