Friends with benefits.

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.
~William Shakespeare

Occasionally I come across intelligent men who subscribe to this blog and are keen to be privy to the workings of the female brain. Last week, one of these men suggested I write positively and more balanced in an effort to more favourably present men to my audience. I never say no to a challenge.

Having seriously blundered with foot-in-mouth-disease the other day with the man who suggested this, I have very carefully chosen my words this time to show the good in men…I don’t know him too well but I think he may be one of them.

It’s no secret, we all love them or we wouldn’t fret over all they do. You wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t like them and I wouldn’t write about them if they didn’t stir such a passionate response in me. We love them and love to hate them, but love to love to love them way more, we’re just looking for the man worth the obsession and who can handle our bipolarity.

This week however, I’m not writing about the men we desire to be with (sort of hard to avoid mentioning them though in a blog about romance) but rather, I’ll muse on the men who restore our faith in their gender…they deserve a mention.

Sitting with two girlfriends on Friday night, we discussed the genetically blessed guys who have it all; personalities, looks, chivalry and our friendship. While chatting, one girlfriend’s astronomically good looking friend dropped by to say hello. The others of us sitting there, awe-struck, looked to her to question why she wasn’t with this perfect specimen. She responded that she preferred to keep him there as a brotherly figure. He would be the benchmark upon which she measured all other men. Their long enduring friendship was enough to sustain her and she was glad he was in her life because he reminded her that good, courteous, respectful, thoughtful, intelligent, tall, dark, handsome men were out there and boy was she grateful for the reminder.

Another friend echoed a similar sentiment. Her friend was a tall, dark , handsome model…yep a MODEL! He was the type to open doors for women, pay on first dates, took pride in his appearance, honoured his family, adored his girlfriend (when he had one), treated all women with kindness and selflessly loved all of those in his life.

Astonishingly, this was not the first case of Good-Man-Syndrome that I’d encountered. Unfortunately the syndrome was selective and was yet to go viral, but I have high hopes of it spreading like the plague…in Biblical proportions. One friend spoke of a man who visited her daily at hospital, making her feel beautiful at her lowest point. Another got her first kiss after a sweaty gym session, while having her looks fade in the Winter-rain (it always rains where there’s romance involved). Another would lovingly remember to ask about her well-being in her illness when all others had forgotten. Friendship was the perfect foundation for love (and while I’m not encouraging you to see every friend as a potential suitor, the point is, the good guys are right in front of you). Some of the people mentioned above ended in nurturing romances and others are ever-growing friendships – both are perfect outcomes.

If you’re like me, you’re reading this thinking, “WHERE THE HELL ARE THESE (friend’s) MEN? “ But if you look closely within your friendship circle you’ll find you know at least one and although you wouldn’t date this man, somewhere in a friendship circle nearby is a good guy that his friend won’t date either. Wonderfully, one in each friendship group means an army of eligible, exceptionally good bachelors for you to take note of– Ladies, he’s out there! Now sing Hallelujah!!!!

Now that you’re done singing…. I’d like you to think of the mate who saved you from humiliation in an awkward situation, the friend who spent hours searching for your wallet when you lost it traveling, the one who waited with you for three hours for a taxi to arrive after a late night , the one who would drive hours out of his way to make sure you’re home safe, and the one who never judged you in-spite of your flaws (if you have any) and thank them and God for their existence (please note, I don’t know a guy who did all of those things at once but know a few who have done at least one of these things at some point in time…we can work on the rest later).

Well done to the parents of these gentlemen. They may be a rare breed but their presence is a gift to this earth and to all of womankind.

Gentlemen if you are this rare, endangered breed of man, pat yourself on the back and pay it forward. This week, educate a friend on chivalry. Teach them how to treat a lady, learn to befriend women without sexualizing them and take your male minion for a haircut…maybe also shave that Movember Mo (thank God it’s December at the end of the week)!!

I’ve met the boys who can’t wait to fall in love, those that choose to wait till they’re men in order to provide for their families, those that look forward to having children, those that want to spoil the woman who is worth their affection and the wait, and those that shy away from expressing emotion because they too have tender hearts afraid of being hurt. All of these men have remarkably good qualities. Thankfully, I can call all of these men friends and they may be perfect for you.

If only we could have a swap party like the one in Sex and the City – then everyone would have someone and the gentlemen of this world would be ours to keep. Can I get an Amen?