Relationships are trying - not just on you but on your friendships as well. Although we'd love to think it's just us and our partners; families and friendships are affected too but that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
This week has been a week where I've connected at some level with my close friend's partners and they all get an A on their report cards. During recent pillow talk with one of my besties, I confided that as her friend my greatest joy was in seeing her happy. This vicarious joy substantiated my initial critical eye because I'd accept nothing shy of perfection for my perfect friends.
Naturally when someone is dear to you, you wish for the best for them because you share in the highs and lows of their lives and because if you're going to be replaced, you want to be sure and comforted that that replacement (that partner) is going to treat your friend better than you would.
Recently, I've had the pleasure of accepting defeat to a few men who have me floored by their willingness to share in our friendship group. They are my girlfriend's partners and they are quickly becoming friends of my own. My friend's have great taste in friendship since they're friends with yours truly so you could say that me befriending their men was inevitable.
I’m someone who overcompensates for the silence around me and talks and talks, even if its mindless and meaningless banter. Occasionally that gets me in trouble but generally, it’s a winning formula, making those around me feel a little more comfortable during potentially awkward first chats.
If you’re looking at your love as a long term thing, it’s always best to welcome in those who will stick around for your lifetime. Just like the boys pledge allegiance to "bros before hoes" (gosh I hate that reference) we women swear by “chicks before dicks,” (hate that expression too). If we are loyal to our friends, we’ll be utterly opposed to let her put you before us unless you win us (her friend’s) over.
Mother Theresa once said, “if we judge others, we leave no room for ourselves to love them,” so in that vain, I’ve tried to recently reserve judgement. In the game of love, I drew a new card and happily let my friend’s partners win. I gained new friendships in the process.
In a recent get together, one friend's husband kindly called us his new friends. He felt at home, occasionally he'd miss us, he'd welcome us into his home and he said that in marrying my friend, he now had a few new friends to call his own. We were so touched that he'd joined our clan. He is the guy we knew would be deserving of our friend. He was someone that loved her so much that loving her extended self (us) was second nature. It was not hard work, it was natural and it was perfect.
When we would talk about the type of man we'd want for our friends, when we'd talk about future partners and holidays away together, we would always revert back to the example of this model husband. We'd want our partners to get on with him and we'd want them to get on just as well as we do with our girlfriends. Well done friend's husband. You know who you are.
In another episode of friend meets boyfriend a Christmas car ride revealed a mutual appreciation for each other’s company. We were acquainted for a while but never really had the chance to spend time to get to properly know each other. His partnership with my friend opened up that door and his entrance into our friendship group was a very welcome one.
He shared the sentiment and said it was great that we'd finally got the chance to chat. Concisely, he said 'it's good," and good it is. What I love about this guy is how he looks at my friend. How quickly he rushes to do anything she asks, how he never complains and quickly forgives, how he welcomes her to his family and best of all how he makes her friends his own.
The third example came by request. A friends partner rushed to do me a favour when I really needed it. He didn't complain (maybe because he's male) he just happily complied. I'm guessing it's for three reasons; to please my friend and to please me to please my friend and let's also throw in the fact that some people (rare as it may be) do good things simply for goodness' sake.
What all three have In common is a great nature, a great love for my friends and a great desire to share in every part of my friend's lives and that means passing the posse test to share in the fun.
There’s great benefit in doing so. Best friends are gatekeepers to everything relating to your girlfriends and befriending us means entry into our kingdom. In winning us over, you’ve gained a few more helping hands when you’re organising a surprise, it means shopping for your loved ones is always a winning buy (because we’ll happily help with that) and it means that when the road gets rocky, we’ll remind our friends to fight fair (because if you play it right, we’ll love you, enjoy your friendship and love you being with our friends).
Strangers are friendships waiting to happen so while you enter our worlds as outsiders always make a point to leave our company as friends…you’ll be better for it.
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