Resourceful Romance

I love social networking. In my field it’s always important to expand my network and add names and numbers to my contact book. Through social networking, that list has been further extended; special mentions go to Skype, LinkedIn and Twitter for allowing ‘work,’ and play to friskily intertwine.

This year, I have mingled plenty and have discovered the world of online flirtation. I never search for them, nor do I subscribe to online dating sites (I haven’t reached that level of desperation just yet) but I have been followed, tweeted and happily linked to an array of attractive, intelligent, successful men who happen to also like what they see. It’s a good photo (will aim to walk around with that smile and pose for all of 2012 in hope that it works in real life situations).

This week, a new connection, emailed to say hello and a few other things. I won’t lie, it was thrilling. To have a complete stranger send me a message of…umm…flattery was nice. As far as I could tell he wasn’t after anything, he just wanted to say something sweet because he could.  Nicer still was the fact that he wasn’t a wannabe migrant overseas flirting for a visa (sweeping generalization, but we’ve all been victim to that kind of terror talk which is always unwelcome).

Better yet was that this was not the first instance of social networking aiding what I like to call resourceful romance. During a little office gossip session on the men using their computers to court women, we concluded that while online dating used to be a painful admission that you were failing in the real world, nowadays, everyone is looking for romance everywhere and anywhere. Few have the time to seek out relationships with our long hours of work and busy ‘single’ social lives. We decided to look at these men as opportunistic rather than desperate, after all, there’s no bad way to take a compliment.

While I don’t think I’d date these men ( I’m still weary of whoever might be hiding behind the screens and the emails) I have enjoyed the ego-boost that comes with someone I find attractive finding me attractive too.

What is meritorious about this is that it actually requires a bit of effort to keep an email chain going and since they’re doing something that they don’t have to do and going out of their way to be nice, just because, I was enjoying being charmed and was not going to be high, mighty and judgemental about it. Instead, for a change, I’d participate.

This flirtation at my fingertips got me thinking about the opportunities available to people in search of romance that they do/don’t use.

For ‘research,’ I was reading an article wherein a relationship expert at a singles convention (no I didn’t attend) chose to motivationally speak to the masses and remind the women in waiting to get out and live in order to meet someone. Sounds simple.

The speaker discussed how most of us are creatures of habit and needed to engage in life beyond our small, safe spheres.

There’s no denying that being single means you’re probably very social. That’s true to me and many of you. What it means is that we’re often having to schedule romance in or worse still, missing out on it altogether because we stick to the same routine, the same people, the same places. It’s difficult to manage a ‘single’ and socially active life. You go to work, go to the gym, catch up with a friend (or a group of them) for coffee and before you know it your week is over. No new faces. No new relationships. Plenty of missed opportunity.  

No I’m not saying ditch your friends. I’m saying expand your friendship circle. Try new things. See new people. Maximise your outreach and appeal in all of your social settings. Speak up. Speak out. Be noticed. Be you because that’s all you need to attract ‘the one,’ just be somewhere where you might meet people.

My gay friend and I were perving on an ultra-attractive male that was walking by us today. We caught each other in the act, laughed about it and he commented, “I’m sorry, I always try to be subtle, but clearly, I’m failing at it.” Subtlety is boring and unnecessary I think.

Obviously, you don’t want to come on too strong but you only need a bit of social sense to know where the line is between sweet and sleazy. I know you already know where that line is because you’re reading this blog and all of my readers are striking and smart.

ANYWAY…back to my point….after our perve, we moved on to pontificating about the stupidity of subtlety. If life is short and we’re all about seizing the day and making the most of the fateful opportunities before us, why is it that where it matters most, we shy away from admitting our feelings. Sure it can be humiliating if we’re rejected, but isn’t the ultimate gain of love worth the risk? Isn’t it serendipitous enough that you’re in the same place at the same time and out of the billions of people in the world, somehow God or fate or whatever you believe has brought you to that point to give you a chance at getting to know each other?

Here is where my upbringing conflicts with my character. I chase people for a living, I’m paid to do it, I am a control freak, a go-getter, am fiercely determined where a goal is in sight but have traditional values and appreciate courtship. Generally if I see something/someone that I want, it takes everything in me to hold back and it just about kills me waiting for responses (because I’m so used to instantaneous replies at work and in friendships). If you want to annoy me, holding back is how. With romance, the happy compromise that I’ve found is in flirting back.

I don’t think it’s tarty or cheap to show someone you’re interested in, that you are interested. Quite the opposite actually…. it’s empowering.  This means living without regret, knowing you always did what you could and it’s one step closer to finding the one. No games. No rules. No headache. Just honesty – the best policy.

We have mouths to speak what our hearts and heads are feeling and thinking. We have fingers to call, text and type to bridge a gap where our feet can’t take us and we have a plethora of ways to access the people we want, where we want, when we want (please excuse the stalker in me - don’t judge…we all do it).

The point is love (or at least initial interest) is everywhere. Gumption gets you closer to finding it and being resourceful with the options and opportunities before you will mean romance is closer than you imagined. Be a doer..not a dreamer.

The first move may be the hardest to make, but it takes two to tango and the first step to the dance is asking if someone will join you.