Madeleine had just lost her sister to marriage and Greg the gorilla with his age old hunter gatherer qualities set his sights on Maddy as his playmate. He would court her for a while. She would resist. This would not be a Tarzan and Jane story but after much persistence from Greg, many beats of the chest and hairy advances, Madeleine finally succumbed to Greg the Gorilla.
He was far from perfect but he was available. Madeleine would live to regret this decision for years into the future but for a while, when the future looked bleak, Greg, in the right light, seemed attractive. Madeleine learnt that she had a great capacity for love. She learnt that she was not as superficial as she thought and she learnt that she could love anyone if she was patient with them. Great lessons from a horrid experience.
George and Madeleine lasted a while. They were comfortable but not passionate about each other. Madeleine gave love as she wanted to be loved. Greg the Gorilla was content in his conquest. He got the girl and he was bananas over her for a while…till he was ready to play with the other animals in the wild. Madeleine felt used but accepted that maybe the downfall of her animal kingdom was her fault. She answered Greg’s mating call when she knew in the depths of her heart that he was not the one. She settled.
Plato said, ‘every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back,’ but I don’t think he meant completion came with any old whisper. It had to be the same tune, the same songbird chirping in reply – not a bear to a bird.
Women in years to come would sing a song of the same melody that Madeleine once chirped. Then an IVF study would be released that would tell women to do exactly what Madeleine had sworn she’d never do again…settle for Mr-not-too-bad.
An IVF specialist advised women the world over, this month to change their criteria for Mr Right in order to more speedily settle down and bear children rather than resort to freezing their eggs. Fertility clinics have begun targeting their services to women in their 20s and 30s, but the professor leading the study, Professor Kovacs warned women that the success rate from egg freezing was low and that women couldn't rely on it later in life.
This got me thinking about whether having children with a man you half loved was worth sacrificing the love you envisioned for yourself? I would much rather stick with a man I loved who I couldn’t have children with (God forbid that I can’t) than have children with a man who wasn’t everything I hoped for. The logic behind that is that I would have the chance to know and find the love of my life before I ever got to know my children so I’d rather keep something that I knew and loved rather than give it up for a child I didn’t know.
For those wondering, I’m perfectly healthy and to my knowledge, able to have children, but this was worth the contemplation.
Professor Kovacs of the IVF study stressed, “"maybe there is no Mr. Right and you have to settle for Mr. Not-Too-Bad. There is no such thing as a perfect person for anybody, and even if they're perfect now, they won't be perfect in five or 10 years time."
Professor Kovacs either settled for Mr-not-too-bad or was going through a bitter breakup and my assessment of her would read; broken-hearted and embittered, but I’d never call her accurate.
I loathe the idea of settling. I detest the thought of being with someone who is less than what I hoped for and I’m sickened by the nightmare of spending the rest of my life with someone who is less than perfect for me. It’s not that my expectations are too high; it’s that whoever disagrees with me has expectations too low for themselves.
There’s no reason to want less than perfection for yourself. It doesn’t matter if you’re the cleaner or the Queen, you’re a person, deserving of love and that love should come in the form you dreamed, not something you find in a discount bin with a short shelf-life and an early used by date.
Freeze your eggs if you must, but if you’re putting all of your eggs in one basket, then make sure with that investment, that the basket is strong enough to support you – that to me is the perfection most women seek and it’s out there. When you find it (because it’s only a matter of time), that love will be perfect in five and ten and even twenty years time. It won’t be a fairytale, it will be hard work but it will be real and that’s so much better than the imaginary.
If you’re in it for life, be in it for love and leave Greg the Gorilla in the jungle where he belongs. Let Madeleine’s lesson be yours too; Mr-not-too-bad is also Mr-not-good-enough for you.
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