This is not about men; it's about YOU!!!

I was at work on Friday and for those aware of my delightful shiftwork, you’d know I start at 2.30 in the morning and so we do whatever it takes to keep ourselves awake at this ungodly hour. This morning I was working with one of my more contemplative and spiritually in touch colleagues.

We read our horoscopes and although neither of us religiously prescribes to psychics forecasts of our future, yesterday’s prediction was worth paying attention to for the self-evaluation it offered and the discussion that ensued.

After a week of typically overworking and exhausting myself, my horoscope said that yesterday in particular an old flame would be reignited, this time the sparks would illuminate a new passion, new lessons and I’d emerge more luminescent and less burns victim.

Love, this week was not about falling prey to old predators, it was not about being a carnivorous man-eater either, it was about welcoming me back into my life. This is not a self-righteous, holier-than-thou lesson but just a lesson in caring for myself so that I still had something to give back.

The fact is in life, women have a tendency to over-commit themselves whether it be socially, at work, in family or trying to strike a balance between all three. While personal training this week, my punches were weak, forceless, without strength (not me at all) and my trainer commented that I had run out of fuel. In truth, my lights were out, I’d run out of fuel, my battery was dead and I think I was even a little short on water – it’s no wonder we couldn’t get the engine running.

What I realised was that in trying to be  superhuman, I was so busy saving everyone and faking invincibility that when it came to saving myself, I’d lost all power to do so. There was one question inspired by a song I was listening to that echoed perpetually in my mind; who’s there to save the hero?

The lyrics to Beyonce’s “Save the Hero” sing:

I'm left with no shoulder
But everyone wants to lean on me.
I guess I'm their soldier.
Well, who's gonna be mine?

Who's there to save the hero
When she's left all alone
And she's crying out for help.
Who's there to save the hero
Who's there to save the girl…
After she saves the world?

(listen here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb0tycNJc-I ). Beyonce has a point!

This is in no way me advocating for women around the world to end the sisterhood and stop supporting each other but rather a call for women who are so consumed in being the hero to take a step back and remember to care for themselves. I’ve said it before and will say it again; you are your best asset, so you’re worth investing that extra time and effort in caring for before bitterness becomes you after being dangerously negligent of yourself. I know I’m channeling Dr. Phil or your grandmother, but this is important!

In Cherie Cater-Scott’s #1 New York Times bestseller If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules, Scott gave the world ten rules for climbing the ladder, standing taller and overcoming life’s challenges. The rules are as old as love itself and the first one for true long-lasting, core-shaking love is to begin by loving yourself first. 

After twenty-five years of conducting workshops and seminars, Chérie discovered that the most important and therefore probably the most difficult to understand and attain is the acquisition of love and then finding contentment with that partnership.

You’ve heard it reiterated a million times “love is the thing” and everyone is looking for it or looking for ways to sustain it. The onus falls on you in this game to make your first move towards love by loving yourself.

Central to the way people respond to you and to your capacity to love is the relationship you have with yourself. The highest common factor in all of your life experiences; family, friends, love, relationships, work, is YOU!! That is why chapter one of her book is centred on nurturing that relationship.

That loving relationship you form with yourself inspires confidence to be yourself, security in your judgements and lack of compromise to things lesser than you deserve.

Whether you are an Aquarius or not, I’ll make my own prediction for your future; if you invest in you, you will have the energy to give love to others and will have it duly returned to you. Health is wealth so love yourself and experience new prosperity.

Love Lessons from Little Miss Sunshine and Friends

What happens when the magic fizzles with Mr Right-now? When after weeks of flirtation, the object of your affection only wants to look affectionately at somebody else? The lights are out the shades are dim and the prospects of a new love life become grim - back to square one.

This week I'm going back to basics - back to square one and learning my lessons from children's books (they have more to offer in love and wisdom than an episode of Oprah - you'd be surprised)!!

It was my birthday last week and a gorgeous friend of mine; George Tillianakis (unfortunately for me, this one’s gay)  bought me three Little Miss books that he thought best described my character; Little Miss Sunshine, Little Miss Magic and Little Miss Wise. So sweet!

So this week with lessons from Oprah, the little Miss series and experience, I armed myself with answers to my question...what happens when phase 1 of flirtation is over? Compromise? Experiment? Misery?

It's at this point that you have to think outside the box to catch and keep your potential husband. This sounds bizarre given that you can't think "husband" after meeting every guy but after every guy you meet you can narrow down the search to a list of qualities that you want and are unwilling to compromise...that's "The Secret" and in love, life and celebrity everyone from nobody friends to somebody celebrities attest to the perfect love that comes to you as you say a prayer, write a wish and wait on providence.

The Secret to “The Secret,” the book that is, is clarity. Know what you want, be unwilling to compromise those values and what you want will come to you because the positive energy that you radiate will attract the same qualities.

Little Miss Magic knows a thing or two about this because "when she tells something to do something, it does it." I like her authority.

Little Miss Sunshine always exudes positivity and metamorphosed Miseryland into Laughterland. Upon returning to Mr Happy she retold the story of her trip to Miseryland where happiness, laughter and chuckling were disallowed.

“Miseryland?” questionned Mr Happy

“I never knew a place like that existed.”

“It doesn’t” smirked, little Miss Sunshine because Miseryland was what she made it.

I read this one on Valentine’s day and it reminded me not to travel there, because positivity was the only place I knew. Just as I thought I’d learnt all I could from the Little Miss series, Little Miss Wise stepped in with a lesson.

"On Wednesday Little Miss Wise refused to get into Mr Busy's racing car.... She didn't want to have an accident."

On Thursday she refused to go into Mr Messy’s house.

" If I go into his house, I will get dirty" she said to herself

On Friday she refused to play tennis with Mr Silly. Smart girl not wanting to play with balls.

“I can't say no to everyone” she thought so she finally gave Mr Mischief a go.

“Mr Mischief gave her sneezing powder and she used 199 tissues to get better,” proving he was a bit of a Mr Silly himself.  

You know exactly where these lessons led me on Valentine’s day, away from Miseryland like Little Miss Sunshine, knowing what I wanted and demanding it like Little Miss Magic and all the wiser and unwilling to compromise with the Mr Silly’s and Messy’s of the world thanks to Little Miss Wise, George Tillianakis and my new little “Secret.”

The Ugly and the Unwanted in the Wild

I write often about the Fabios of the world that woo you into a whirlwind romance but have seldom written of the no-meo's that is the non-Romeo; that awful male you can't stand to have around you but who thinks he has courtship mastered right down to the engagement ring. You don't have the heart to tell him that you're not interested because the less fortunate in the looks department are always too sensitive to accept the rejection. They are unable to see that it's not him, it's not even you, it's simply that you're not compatible.

I used to consider myself a nice person until I saw that I'd once reduced a man to tears through my condescending comments to him. I didn't mean it and I am sorry for the exchange but it was later brought to my attention that this man's heart weakened because that was the only overworked muscle in him that though feeling vividly was neglected by others after facing a series of rejctions. Unfortunately, even in love it is survival of the fittest.

This Animal Kingdom seeks a Bear Grylls so that in situations where man must verse wild, man always prevails. In this case, the wild won, the boy was lost and the battle was decided. The weakest link was voted off the island of potential love interests as "I am woman hear me roar" sounded off as he took his walk of shame off the island.

One more contestant stepped up with grand gestures coated in sleaze, dipped in slime and ending in a danger zone that I was unwilling to tred into. This time, the offerer was more stoic in his approach, he wouldn't cry like the last one but his temper would flare after his offer was rejected and although I love passion, I hate fury, so this hot head would have to cool off in distant waters where there are plenty of fish in the sea, none of them being me available to this Snapper fish....I'd much prefer to be up on a yacht somewhere looking down at the poor fish than swimming amongst them. Individuality over commonality always prevails in my books.

This may seem painful and perplexing to the opposite sex. We want a sensitive man but not one that cries more often than we do unless it's Jude Law's character in The Holiday. We want a passionate man but not an angry man unless he's fighting for our hearts. We want a man's man but not a grub unless it's Bear Grylls and we want you to be intelligent enough to know when we are and aren't interested so that we don't have to console the sad, avoid the bad and further upset the ugly.

It's a jungle out there and most people let out a mating call in life, you just have to be attuned to the sound and singing the same tune to be noticed. Elephants and tigers could never interbreed and so the lesson in this love saga is for birds of a feather to flock together and avoid the confusion by hoping for physical impossibilities.

The animal kingdom is clever in this regard because they are always drawn to sameness. You may walk like a man, you may talk like a man, but in finding a partner use your instincts like an animal and seek compatability in the wild.