Grow up Douchebag!

I've written before that I understand from a male's perspective why you would hesitate to settle down. A fun night here or there, a different girl or guy to hang out with daily, a different scene, a new party, a lack of attachments, an altogether good life but at some point you need to look beyond what is menial and think about your legacy. Who do you want to be? When will you be it? When will a future with someone be more important than a life on your own? What will all of these reckless, empty nights mean when everybody stops singing to your tune?

This is an open letter to all of the douchebags you ladies have had to put up with and an apology for the heartbreak they caused you.

In recent months, I have heard the most shocking series of breakup stories I’d ever come across. Nobody wants to fight for love, they all just want to fight. Others are left with no choice but to leave because of the unforgivable deal-breakers that break trust and evaporate love in a relationship. As a big believer in love, I will admit, the negative stuff shakes your faith a little. While we all hope and pray and believe in the greater good, the greater male community (or just the ones we’ve crossed paths with) prefer to be bad in epic proportions and while it’s never good form to trash your ex…they’re not my exes, so I’m going for gold on behalf of my friends.

Here goes…

Dear Douche,

You're not a bad guy. We say that because we want to believe that our investment in you was worth it. It wasn't but against our better judgement we believed that you'd grow up and out of the phase you were in. You didn't.

You grew older but age somehow bypassed your brain. All of those brash nights out with your brainless bachelor friends will do that to you.

Those long wish lists we had when we were eighteen reduced because somehow by default our self-esteem dropped with everyday that we were with you until you felt enormous and we felt minuscule.

It became increasingly difficult to love you when you constantly let us down. You didn't care. When you thought you had us, you reverted to your old ways. You stopped putting in the effort to be better. You stopped valuing us. It became about you again. It's what you knew best.

Maybe you didn't have the capacity to love in the way we had loved you. Maybe you did but simply didn't want to give us your heart. We spent days, months even years pining over you and just as long getting over you. It took you seconds to replace us.

You gave it all up for a lifetime of hollow nights out. You gave up purity of heart for a few fleeting and flattering words.  You gave up joy for lust. You gave up love for youth. You gave up youth to temptation. You gave up a future to build yourself a past. Was it worth it?

We stopped waiting. So did the girls you hooked up with.

Everyone was searching for love while you sought superficiality. You might settle down one day but you'll be much older. You won't be wiser. You have no brain cells left to make that possible.

You'll find a girl who is content with your lukewarm heart. Those that seek true love will look far beyond you for it. You will lead separate lives because you've spent your whole life living for you and when you circle the earth searching for the one who completes you, she won't be there - because you never were. This is the bed you made for yourself...now lie in it.

You’ll find something, but I doubt it will be happiness because you failed at giving it and when you're too old to hit the clubs, when the girls you know become the girls you knew when the friends you have become the friends you had - will that life you chose be worth it?

We may have cried for a week, a month, a year but you will be replaced. Eventually you will feel like a figment of our imagination. It may take you a little longer to feel our grief, if you feel at all, but what you did and what you will always do, will catch up with you. We accept now that you cannot change and we’re just glad not to be waiting anymore. We get it. Finally.

You never realised what was in front of you. Sure enough, someone smarter than you will. That's when we'll be the ones that got away, but we'll be too far away for you to ever reach us.

You lost when you were so used to scoring. Foul play should keep you on the sidelines forever.  We still pray you one day grow to be the person we hoped. If not for us, then for the gratification that the effort we put in was worth it for someone.

We've been patient. We have waited for you to grow up. We have believed in your goodness. We've seen your potential for perfection but potential is nothing when everything you are is everything other than what you should be. You don't want to change. You never will. Because of that, we'll never want you twice. 

We accept we can never lose what we never had so this is no loss at all.

Good riddance and goodbye.