Walk like a man, Talk like a man

 I wrote a text to someone and got a response back. Was this because he was interested? Was it because he wasn’t interested so didn't feel compelled to game play? Is it because he's not a game player? Is it because he learnt his lesson from previous relationships not to keep a girl waiting lest he lose her interest.... either way for a change I'm not interested. I haven't sworn off men but I may slowly be becoming one.

I'm not about to have a sex change (I'm perfectly happy being female) but I am adopting some masculine qualities... not because they’re the better gender but because trial and error has taught me that some of their tricks work wonders in the trade of love. 

Sometimes the hardest decision in life is knowing which bridge to walk and which to burn? With men...the equation is simple; if he is stupid enough to walk away then you need to be smart enough to let him go.  This conclusion isn't an easy move to commit to. When you're anxiously waiting for a crush to notice you - the last thing you want to do is accept that he is just not that into you. However, accepting a closed door may be exactly what is needed to open a new one.

 I was chatting to a friend and her partner the other day on persons of interest to me at the moment. That’s not a typo, there are many. My friends partner was shocked and responded with a 'my goodness Miriam you move on pretty quickly don't you?!' the conversation quickly turned into a look at me as a man (if I was one) - we all agreed I'd be the charming womanizing male I constantly fall for because I loved words and loved women.  With crush a) - I wasn't sure he was interested so I exited the game, crush b) was more about reciprocating his interest because I appreciated his qualities and interest in me but he was very slow to act. Slow paced seduction was the game of crush c) as well and crush d)'s life and my own were gravitating towards each other but neither of us were forcing it to happen. Stay tuned on - e) all of the above.

Neither of us were sure of the others interest or our compatibility. All of these boys were wonderful people with admirable qualities. Some inside investigation revealed that the cream of the crop saw goodness in me too but admitted that it would be a long time before he did anything about his interest.

Enter my man brain. I tried to empathize with this guy to understand why if he was interested he would resist dating me and then I took a walk in his shoes. If I were a hot young male with many girls at my disposal, lots of travelling to do and lots of “single” fun to enjoy, would I commit to a girl that would be fabulous but limit that freedom or would I chance it and hope she was single when I felt older and ready for the responsibility?

The answer? I’d buzz around bachelor-hood and like a bee to honey would stick around that sweet life for as long as I could. Love, while ideally about romance and rescuing for us ladies, for men it’s about work, commitment and fatherhood (that’s daunting even for me) so for a change, I’m toe tapping in man-land and seeing it from their perspective.

While I’m thinking like a man, I’m acting like a lady and still waiting for the man to approach but in walking in his shoes, I’m more understanding about the wait and happier to fill my time with many over being miserable pining over just one. If he can wait, so can I – but not necessarily for him.

Feminist

I was reading over my year 12 major work this week.  It is about the evolution of the female role (or lack of it) from the late 19^th century to the 21^st century.  It began with a man’s voice because a woman’s world back then only existed as far as a man had allowed it to. My story ended with a man’s voice too. ..only for much of it, he was saying “yes,  dear.” The point I made through the different women living at 49 Alter Avenue (notice the pun) was that a woman’s role in the world had not evolved that much at all. We were in charge of the housework, we were the one’s responsible for raising our children and when we were finally allowed to vote and work, we got the right to work more; adding to our roles but not necessarily to our freedoms. 

I continued to read through my major work and found the Feminist Manifesto that inspired much of my work. 

The passage read: 

“Because women’s work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we’re the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it’s our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we’re nagging (something that rhymes with witches) and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos and if we don’t we’re frigid and if we love our friends it’s because we can’t get a “real” man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic and pushy and if we expect childcare we’re selfish and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and “unfeminine” and if we don’t we’re typical weak females and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man and if we don’t we’re unnatural and because we still can’t get an adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion and…for lots of other reasons I am a feminist.”

Provocative stuff! 

This double standard reminded me of the social constructs that women create, abide by and then abhor. We’re our own worst enemies lovers of freedom but choosing entrapment, seeking independence but searching for completion in our significant others, seeking more work then constantly complaining that we’re too tired to do it. A lot of women of my generation are uncomfortable with being called a feminist.  While the bra-burning, arm-pit-hair growing, man-repelling connotations are easy to detach yourself from our fantasies exist because women fought for more than just the right to vote and your paycheck.

Paychecks are the reason that sipping Pina-Coladas on the Greek Islands, while shirtless Greek Gods wait on you, are made possible. 

We are freer than we realize, more liberated than we’ve ever been and our ambitions are supported not stunted by the men that surround us. While there’s plenty more to do, and it’s true, ‘ a woman’s work is never done,’ I’m excited that in an age where we have everything, that their could still be more. 

Sure we work plenty and get paid too little for it – but men have that complaint too. We’re no longer the first to get fired and yes, what we look like is important but nobody places more importance on it than ourselves. 

I’ll be first to put my hand up and confess to being a marketers dream. I’ll believe and buy anything that promises to bring me closer to looking like Cindy Crawford (now or in her heyday). 

While rape and abuse do exist we have people fighting against it and women can become advocates for that change (Unifem, Australian Women's Health Network, Country Women's Association of Australia, Immigrant Women's Speakout Association, National Women's Justice Coalition, Women's Rights Action Network Australia, among so many others).

 

 I’m a journalist so being a nagging (something that rhymes with witch) is commended and encouraged; relabeled tenacious and persistent and we’re allowed to be nymphos (think Samantha in Sex and The City)….we’re also allowed to be frigid and to some that’s still revered (everyone loves a lady…in the street). Sure if we love our friends, we can be labeled lesbians (think Oprah and Gayle King) but when you’re Oprah Winfrey, who cares what people call you? Be “unfeminine,” be aggressive, be weak, be single, be whatever you like, but above all, be a feminist, because it gives you the choice to be any of those options and more.