I’ve worked out our problem. Most people look for a partner to complete them (first mistake but not the point of this blog). With that search come extensive criteria that we look to find in our better half. Looking closely at that list, you’ll find you’re often looking for yourself.
I can’t decide if this is self-absorbed or just practical since you’ve lived with yourself for that many years.
When it comes to finding someone I merge the spiritual with the superficial – I want a lot of things if I’m honest about every insy-wincy-teeny-tiny bit of wish list criteria but I have to be realistic because in searching for a soul mate my wish list tells me I just want a male version of myself and I drive myself mad at the best of times so this luvo relationship with myself is unlikely to work out.
That’s right – I think I just broke up with myself and made myself sound nutty in the process.
It’s not the worst thing to be doing though. Like most people, I’m in constant pursuit of a better me and a perfect him (you fellas are looking for a perfect her). Before everyone gets into a tail spin about there not being a perfect person, blah, blah, blah – when I say perfect, I always mean PERFECT FOR YOU.
What I’m finding is – perfect for others when searching, is someone who is just like them. Perfect for others in practice, is someone with similar ideals but completely different strengths. Together they settle down in Happy Medium street and they compromise all the way home. Every day.
We single folk however, are tip toeing everywhere else but Happy Medium Street. We lunge across Larger-than-life-lane and we skip down More-Awesome-than-you-avenue and we run far far away from the Reality-check-intersection.
My friends have been facing similar issues.
“I just want someone ambitious” said my high-achieving friend. She is single.
My taken friend said of her relationship, “I think we work so well because I’m so ambitious and he isn’t but he’s so willing to support me all the time.”
“To find a person that’s both intelligent and good-looking is an eternal struggle,” said a single male friend.
“I didn’t have to be fussy in my search because my girl had everything,” said my married mate of his wife.
“I’m super attracted to people studying humanities,” just like himself, he implied. He currently dates himself, because well…he’s better than you...but you know that already.
Fair enough. Everyone’s allowed to have criteria but when that criterion is keeping you unnecessarily single, your superior, single checklist needs revision.
In the land of Never Happy Hereafter, everyone in search of themselves is single, in Happily Ever After land - everyone content with the way somebody else’s flaws completes them – seems happily taken (at least in the cases above and for the purpose of this article).
I’d love to tell you that after taking a revisionist approach to my checklist it has been altered in order to demonstrate the importance of practicing what I preach – but I can’t.
I still want a strong, attractive, intelligent, funny, talented, ambitious, hard-working, kind, chatty, health-conscious, spiritual, loving, honest, family-oriented, friendly guy; who is in other words…just like me.
The first step to fixing the problem is admitting you have one. Done.
Baby steps.
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