The curse of comparison

 
I want to look like Sofia Vergara with a bit more tone..or Adriana Lima (no adjustments necessary). That’s getting a little picky but as I trim down, her body and Adriana's face are always in sight. I think a bit of comparison in order to keep goals in check is healthy but the delusion that once I’m thin, I’ll look like either of them is toxic…and a little bit insane.

I can’t be so narcissistic that as a kitten, I’m looking into a mirror and seeing a lioness. Not in this jungle. Not in this lifetime.

You all have a body dream (Sofia Vergara/Adriana Lima). A person whose intelligence you wish you had (Mark Zuckerberg), a person whose outreach you wish you could attain (Oprah) and let’s face it, you can imitate but you can rarely duplicate so your pursuit of happiness is complete when acceptance with your difference begins.

We've all fallen into the curse of comparison more than once but recently I’ve noticed the curse outstretching its shifty hands and hovering over people’s happy places and I'm kindly requesting it to stop.

The place I’ve learnt to conquer the crazy in me has been through Crossfit (I highly recommend it to any woman or man who wants the fact that they can kick arse asserted to them on a daily basis).

Crossfit is a high intensity workout that reels you in because of the gladiators that do it and keeps you there because of the community that is created through shared struggle. I began the workout a little intimidated by the super-human strength that some of the women around me displayed on a daily basis. I had two options, be envious or work from the bottom up. I chose the latter and because of it am reaching the former and have found my mojo in the process.

Without comparison we would have few goals but the finesse in doing so is in comparing without envy. Over the period that I’ve been training, I’ve reveled in seeing the people around me come into their own, seeing one of my besties mould the bedonkey-donk butt she’s been dreaming of. You know who you are and the change is inspiring.  Not all of us would see it this way and (if we do we certainly fail some of the times). I do still fall into the trappings of wishing I had X’s abs, Y’s butt, Z’s arms but I take an active stance and quickly realize that a better me is enough to keep me content…without wanting another person’s anything.

Women are their own worst enemies. They have a trillion fabulous qualities but they will look to the flaws of the women around them to satisfy their insecurities and assert their superiority. It has to stop for a sisterhood to be possible.

I think today, we’re going through a narcissistic renaissance where the world’s population is entirely consumed by it’s self and it’s image. The acquisitive, self-seeking and in my view, ugly manifestation of that want to be perfect, breeds an evil, egotistic and deeply insecure alter-ego. Ladies, you want to get rid of her instead of lugging her around and having her diminish your sense of self.

That beautiful woman you’re staring at has an abusive father, that girl that’s thinner than you has an eating disorder, that woman with the beautiful smile has steely eyes from the heartbreak she’s experienced. That wealthy woman is devastatingly lonely. That woman with three children, struggled for ten years to have them. That woman with great hair, is in remission from Cancer.

Every quality we admire has been established through struggle.

Nothing comes from nothing so every gift you’ve been given is worth backing.

Back yourself, is of the best advice I’ve ever been given.

The other valuable lesson is kindness. Mark Twain said kindness was the only thing that the deaf can hear and the blind can see. Kindness and confidence are the most beautiful accessories a person can carry.

If you’re kind to yourself and kind to others, comparison will bring a kinder you and confidence in your character will be enough to satisfy you. Your satisfaction with yourself is what everyone else is searching for.