Not Your Mother's Rules.

A while ago another relationship blogger; Vanessa Taylor, introduced me to “The Rules.” I’ve become an avid subscriber to her musings – her blog is more about celebrity relationships – but I think love speaks a universal language. It doesn’t matter if you're black, white, rich, poor, on the cover of Forbes or sweeping floors, we all want it and we’re all puzzled in the quest for it. Most of us have enough going on in our lives to not have to worry about what the celebs do in their love lives though – like Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth getting engaged ( she is looking amazing these days and locking her down in her prime probably has something to do with the proposal)….but what about the rest of us?

I’m guessing she’s a “Rules” girl – because she now has a ring on her finger and I’m told the plan is a full-proof one.  

“The Rules” were written by Ellen Fein and Sherie Schnieder and enacted by women around the world – not just your desperate, dateless know-nothings either. Beyonce calls it her favourite book (and she has Jay-Z), Oprah swears by it (and she has Steadman) and Kate Middleton played by the rules and we all know how that ended up. 

Seventeen years ago when “The Rules” were released, the dating world was shaken by a book that pushed the "treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen" philosophy – especially after many were still enjoying the perks of the sexual revolution. It wasn’t going to be easy, but the end result was going to be worth it.  

Women everywhere gave ear to their 35 fool-proof rules to snagging Mr. Right. This is the general gist of what the book contained:

-  Don't stare at men or talk too much

-  Don't talk to a man first

-  Don't call him and rarely return his calls

-  Always end phone calls first

-  Don't go Dutch on a date

 All those rules still very much apply and I feel like I’ve been practicing this stuff from the womb (to no avail) and maybe that’s because nothing has been written that is applicable to all the other loopholes in love that exist with today’s technologies.

Alas, Fein and Schneider have heard our cries. Earlier this year, the women announced that they were working on an updated version of the guide for the sexting/texting/tweeting/poking world, called “Not Your Mother's Rules.”

Is that a squawk of excitement I hear?

…just keep your pants on for now. As old as love is, the lessons for attaining it are also.

The biggest takeaway lesson from the New Rules is that you can cry 21st century all you like but the Rules stay the same. You can’t teach old dogs new tricks but you can play games…dogs like games…and so do men unfortunately.

I’m often incited by my male friends to remain an object of mystery (but for a guy to want to know less about me in order to find me desirable is kind of insulting). However, “The Rules” preach the same thing.

Men are still expected to eat out of the palms of our hands but you need them to come begging of their own accord. They’ll come when they want to. They’ll come when they need to.  At ease lady (if they like you, your work is done).

They make no exceptions to the rule that men should always initiate contact (this I agree with – though I have whimsically broken this rule many times).

Fein and Schneider in a recent interview on JDate said, “No exceptions. A woman cannot email, or even wink at a guy's profile, without becoming the aggressor and possibly getting hurt down the line when the guy dumps her for the woman whose profile he really likes. The only way to be sure that a guy is interested is to let him make the first move. If you have something exceptional in common, he has to notice that, and contact you first.”

Women this is your clue and gents this is your queue.

 The authors also advise women to "wait as long as you can before having sex".

That means a lot of talking time. Odd when they’ve told women “not to talk too much.” My only question for them is,  if you can’t talk and you can’t play…what on earth do you do on dates?

Not Your Mother’s Rules is out next year, so you can break all the rules until then then there’s no excuse – you’ll have a manual…and hopefully a man by then too.