Arnold Schwarzenegger said the two best things in life are “pumping and humping” and those two things ultimately led to Maria Shriver dumping the womanizer after he admitted to having fathered a lust-child ten years ago to one of the women that cleaned their house (and there are rumours his humping was not limited to the hired help).
Shriver, an award winning journalist, part of the Kennedy lineage and mother of his four children, sacrificed her career to spend her life as Arnie’s trophy wife, but at the end of their 25 year marriage, their were no medals for her sacrifice.
We are yet to see this story unfold and cannot foretell if it will evolve into a Tiger Wood’s type scandal ….it’s the wood that seems to keep getting these men into trouble. What this repeatedly reveals is the dispensation of a core quality in relationships; honesty.
If Arnold had been honest about wanting more loving, I’m pretty sure he’s devoted wife would have given it. If he was honest at the time he cheated, he may have been deterred from repeating the cheating, if he had been honest, his marriage may still be in tact.
This comes as more friends than usual, are dealing with issues of honesty in their relationships. One friend is seeing someone who after months of dating refuses to give their ‘seeing-each-other” a definition.
We are women, therefore we think.
It is never sufficient for us to have men see us through relationships, have us form attachments and then have them decide one morning that they have used our goods to their satiety, later venturing on to the next bright, young, shiny thing. Men claim that if women were more honest, there would be fewer problems; I agree.
However, if women were always honest, a lot of men would be very quickly scared away at the idea of us wanting commitment, while they want play. If honesty was always at play, men would be restricted in their freedoms and their friendships. They would be subjected to a lot more control than they are willing to accept, and most women would happily harp on about their problems with the men they are seeing that the relationship would be over before it existed. It’s a painful truth, that men too have to be ready to accept.
As my friend sought my advice on what she should do, she asked, should she seek out a definition from the boy she is seeing or should she let it come from him? I am always very conflicted when it comes to what women should do in a relationship. My traditional self tells me to allow the man to do the courting, while my 21st century self screams ‘female liberation’ and the freedom to find your own fortune. In this situation I figure, if you have been dating for five months, you are exclusive and he is yet to call you his girlfriend, this boy is probably playing you or tongue-tied. Either way, he needs a little less action and a lot more talking, as dreaded as it may be. It’s difficult to call this boy, everyman but it does beg the question, why are some men ready to settle earlier than others? In comes that word again. Honesty!
If both had articulated their agendas at the start of the relationship, neither would be in this conundrum. Unable to turn back the hands of time, honesty here will either offer security in the relationship they have or shut my friend out of the love shack. Both,to me, are good outcomes because at least then there is no more guess work.
This has been the stuff of countless breakups. When sweet-talk does not suffice. Honesty steps in; calling for accountability, their is no dancing around answers, love is the hoped outcome but an honest answer, has sometimes painfully (but for the better) proved not to be. When it isn't, the relationship isn't either, but the truth, sets both free.
One of my favourite songs, originally by Billy Joel but beautifully covered by Beyonce, is called “Honesty.” The lyrics sing of love, of flattery and of little white lies being easy to find but the song shares a poignant truth; that honesty is often accompanied by loneliness because of its evaporation from society, and people’s inability to digest harsh truths.
Honesty it says, is hardly ever heard, but is what the world needs most. Agreed.
For the end of questions, for the start of clarity, for deeper understanding of the people that surround you, the simplest answer exists in honesty. Honestly.
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