Game off!

This started out as a blog about the games that women play for a change. I wrote it and erased it. Wrote and erased and then it was the 29^th of February. The one day that comes around every four years and is the hall pass for women to propose to their men.

Awed by their courage but deterred by how emasculating that might be to a man, I’ve resolved never to do it. I also like the idea of being courted and think all women deserve to be.

During my lunch break yesterday my gal pal turned and said, “I think that’s something you could do.” No way. No chance.

For me, there was a huge difference between could do and would do. I am ballsy enough to approach a man, but I’m too traditional to do it. There’s a real problem when my balls are bigger than the man I’m asking to be with me and that’s my biggest relationship dilemma at the moment.

A few days ago when I complained about having writer’s block, a friend messaged and said it was time to turn a new page – to end the war I’d inadvertently waged on men who weren’t pulling their weight in relationships and to put the girls that mislead them on the firing line instead.

I’m fair so I considered it, but I was not going to put women on the frontline without a good reason. Boys have their bro code and we have our sisterhood.

My friend’s complaint was that after months of pursuing a girl, she was flirting with somebody else. He had grown tired of her hot and cold interactions. He didn’t want to be given rations of her attention, he wanted all of it…the problem was, he wasn’t giving her all of himself either.

The girl’s attention was wavering; there one second, divided the next.

Was this game on or game off?

The first point of interrogation, was over whether or not regular chit chat online would mean anything at all to the girl.

To the girl? Maybe.

To me? No way.

I never accept internet chat as anything remotely romantic or leading to it.

 I think people are different online and are a lot more open than they would be up front and the only real way to honestly get to know someone is to hang out with them. Trying to decipher emails was like trying to read morse code, (IMPOSSIBLE since I’ve got no idea how to do so).

I do know Morse Code is defined as the transmission of textual messages in a series of on-off tones. That is precisely what was in the subtext of his texts; on-off tones.

He claimed the girl’s inability to read his signals was a sign of her insecurity.

I claimed his inability to exclaim exclusivity was the reason she was unsure.

She wanted what was serious.

He did too. He just didn’t want to play all his cards at once.

If you didn’t want to be played, you shouldn’t have treated it like a game.

I have always hated the game.

I don’t understand why if you do like someone and you are interested you can’t honour that relationship by being honest about your feelings? You can’t expect exclusivity if you’re not allowing yourself to be vulnerable and opening yourself up to the possibility of a real relationship.

I want no part of a relationship that is recreational and undefined. Most girls would agree.

Her restraint is not her being cold, it is her being unsure of your feelings. Experience has taught her that many a playful fellow will court her only to kick her to the kerb when another female of interest joins the battlefield.

My rule is a simple one. We are friends until you state otherwise. That way there is no confusion (been there, done that) and there are no painful bullets to the heart or ego in the wait for an answer.

If you’re not serious about the girl, you seriously don’t deserve her.

If you want to play games, you will be played.

If you hate her talking to other guys, be the stand out guy that makes it worth her while to stop.

Our final point of argument was that fighting for love was imprisonment of the heart. It would be a detainee to her will, beaten by her objections and weakened in the admission of feelings.

I disagreed. To me, there’s a huge difference between liking a girl and being weak. It actually takes strength to be that sure of yourself and to pursue that dream, that ambition, that girl. I'm not saying write the girl a song on your first date but there's nothing wrong with saying you really like her and want her completely.

Knowing where she stands with you will encourage her to put her guard down and like you more. If she doesn't, she's not the one and you just move on and just like that, you would have released your heart from the prison of your own making.

Case dismissed.